Just before I started to write this, I changed my music station (reggae rock) to a different genre, then glanced at the time.
A small sign that I’m moving in the right direction this morning. I slept well, took a long walk, ate a healthy breakfast, cleaned house, took a shower and now – I’m enjoying the sunlight and cool breeze coming through my windows as I sip my ice coffee and focus on writing and creating. This is my ritual on my days off. If I can manage to do all of these things, then I feel accomplished and settled. It also helps to wake up 7:00am or earlier…
But let’s be honest. I don’t always manage to do all of those things, and I sometimes guilt myself for not. After working from home for almost two months, my house as become my domain. It’s been easier to feel okay about not getting all the things done, because there’s always tomorrow. It is only I who has to be okay with things not getting done.
During this time, this pandemic, I have learned how much I really like to be on my own. Even having my husband at home too often puts me on edge (sorry not sorry Eddie). I need my time to recharge, and when someone else is there, I feel like I have to cater to them and be with them. When I’m alone, the time is truly for me. I can let the thoughts out. They can sit around me or dance along with the music I like to play out loud as I type or write or photograph or Instagram or read. The energy is in one piece. But the moment others start to come in, especially unannounced, that energy starts to break up and fall apart. The internalized trauma of an artist, amiright?
I also crave community, like everyone else. But even as restrictions are being lifted, I find myself feeling anxious about places opening back up and things going back to “normal”. When the reality is that life now is the new normal. I feel like a hermit crab, tentative to coming out, for fear of loud noises and sharp objects. I’ve liked my little oasis at home. I’ve learned how to avoid the grocery store for more than a week, and I’ve gotten extra iced coffees from Starbucks to leave in the fridge and have two venti coffees last me almost a week. I’ve been walking and working out more, getting more sleep, finding more time in my life. Pandemic positives.
Even so, I know that many are struggling. So I will support big and small businesses as much as I can. I will stay home as much as I can. And I will appreciate the time I have, with myself and with others (when the time comes).
What have you discovered during this time at home, whether it’s a struggle or a silver lining? Feel free to comment below or message firstname.lastname@example.org.
Stay safe, y’all ❤