Something happened to me this year.
Slowly but surely my mind opened to subtle coincidences and regular patterns that I had failed to acknowledge in the past. I began to take note of the moons presence in the sky. I researched the Zodiac and learned about all of my signs, not just my Sun sign (Pisces). After 34 years of looming life questions (who am I, why am I here?) I started to get answers. I also started to receive this knowledge as a new tool to help me cope with the daily stress that used to consume me.
I started this year with the goal to open up and be vulnerable with others, and tell them what I was going through. In turn, others started to open up to me about their own struggles. It was not something I expected, and the impact has had a domino effect. The walls around me started to crumble and fall. Emotional weight started to shift and drift up into the universe. With each sign it was a reminder that I wasn’t in this alone, anymore.
I did not realize this all on my own. It took a special soul. My cousin Casey moved to LA almost two years ago and in that time we have connected on a much deeper level than we ever anticipated. She encouraged me to look deeper and she was open to my questions and helping me navigate through it. In turn, I think I’ve also helped her move forward with her own journey. Casey also helped me realize that I am an Empath (and so is she).
This was a revelation for me.
I’ve spent my whole life feeling emotional. To a point of excess. Crying was often the outlet, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t getting what I wanted or because I was hurt by others (although that would happen from time to time), but more often than not – it was because I could feel the emotional energy of other people. This was always so hard to put into words, so others most likely thought I was over-emotional or crying for nothing. But that wasn’t true, I just didn’t know how to explain it.
I let others think what they wanted to think, although it didn’t portray me well at times. I also realized it made others uncomfortable (especially men), so I taught myself to fight back the tears and apologize for crying.
While I had always known I was a Pisces (and often said I was just “leaking” instead of crying) and had always loved horoscopes, I never learned more than that because not many people I knew were into horoscopes. Then Casey came back into my life and helped me understand my Moon (Aries) and Rising (Virgo) signs and suddenly I was getting some answers about who I was. Things I knew internally but didn’t know how to explain, it almost seemed like my secret self. Coming to understand these parts of my Zodiac chart has helped me understand how others might perceive me and also the dark parts of myself (easily depressed, quick to anger, cries easily, thrives on organization).
What was most surprising and comforting was learning that I was an Empath. The welling of tears in the midst of a conversation, the dark feeling in my gut when someone felt like a bad person, the emotional or physical pain I can feel of others, being the emotional shoulder to lean on but not having the same outlet for my own, the feeling of being homesick even when I was at home… All of these things were so hard to explain until now. This burden, although still there, has shifted into an easier weight to carry. I can better understand these unexpected feelings and see the ones through that aren’t mine.
While this topic may still not be of interest to those who don’t believe in it, the Sun Shadow Collective is meant to help break through that barrier for both the Empaths and those who want to understand them. Your weaknesses can become strengths, your shadows can find the light. You are not alone in this journey of life!