As summer ended and slowly morphed into Autumn, a shadow crept over me. Just like the leaves change in the Fall due to lack of sunlight, I started to fade and become brittle. My mind felt overwhelmed with a feeling of anticipating loss and my shadow was tapping on my back reminding me that I wasn’t going to slip by this feeling without really feeling it first.
While I normally love October and the Fall season, this one has been heavily overshadowed with this feeling of anticipating loss. All month I have been feeling it at work, within fading friendships and also in physical form of someone about to lose a parent, and that sadness and sorry has been the baseline of how I’ve felt all month. A season of sorrow.
Feeling sorrow and sadness forces you to narrow your perspective. It’s human nature to deal with your own personal perspective every day and that can sometimes get very warped. I often question my perspective of myself versus the perspective others have of me, and when you go deep enough it can be a bit of a mindfuck. This is when I remind myself that the universe is constantly bombarding me with (sometimes) useless information that is altering my perspective. Then I have the ability to see it and change it.
Clearly I am loving the Fall and Halloween vibes and woke up very early to catch the sunrise and do this photo shoot. All the horror movies I’ve been watching could also be to blame for my continued feeling of dread this month, but for that all I can say is – sorry not sorry. I love horror movies, especially older ones. Self-portrait photography is a great tool for me to get clarity on my own perspective of myself. Also I couldn’t be happier running around like a maniac to beat the self-timer and find new frames or props to work with. Photography is definitely my happy place, and without it – I would probably fall into the depths of despair.
Not to be overly dramatic.